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There may be times when a parent is required to raise his or her voice. Sometimes a parent needs to get a child's attention immediately because the child is in grave danger. For example, a parent may need to yell to stop a child who is about to step into the path of an oncoming car. In most cases, however, it is wrong to yell at a child.

Yelling intimidates and frightens a child. It produces feelings of anxiety and insecurity, and angry shouting may make the child wonder if the parent really loves him. Rash and careless words yelled in anger arouse hostility and instill fear and discouragement in children (Proverbs 15:1; Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). Angry yelling breaks a child's spirit because it says, "I'm big, you're little! I'm strong, you're weak!"

Over time, this kind of control destroys the child's natural sense of worth and value. The child begins to believe he is weak and powerless. On the other hand, the Lord Jesus showed us how to treat children with gentleness. Without speaking to them in a way that intimidated them or created fear, He invited them to come to Him ( Matthew 19:14 ).

Some parents yell as a release for anger. They may be angry because they feel powerlessness in a situation. Or they may be angry over things that have nothing to do with the child. Yelling is a way to avoid dealing with the issues in a respectful and straightforward manner. This violates the biblical principle to speak the truth in love ( Ephesians 4:15 ).

Yelling does not motivate children to obey for the right reasons. Instead, yelling tends to cause a child to obey solely out of fear-the fear of losing the relationship. A parent should make a child aware of the fact that there may be negative consequences for misbehaving and displaying a poor attitude. That is a legitimate deterrent. But they should never make a child feel that their attitudes or actions might result in the loss of a parent's love. A child who is yelled at regularly feels unsure of his parent's love. A child feels rejected when he is yelled at, and over time he begins to believe that the love of his parents depends on his good behavior.

All parents make mistakes and yell occasionally. Good parents, however, ask God to help them recognize when they are wrong ( Psalm 139:23-24 ). They are willing to understand and own up to how their anger hurts their children. When they recognize their sin, they apologize and work to reassure their children of their love.